An Unforgettable Mistake

Trigger Warning: An Unforgettable Mistake deals with dubious consent (dub-con) and suicidal ideations. Viewer discretion is advised. So, please read with caution. 

I tightly grip the edge of the cheap white laminate counter in the Sizzle Bar's bathroom. I feel a zing of pleasure zip through my body, causing my clitoris to throb when Maliek's fingers grace the underside of my breasts. He lets out a hoarse laugh when his fingers are greeted by my achingly tight nipples standing to attention, wanting more of his touch. A needy whimper falls from my lips as he rolls and pinches the erect buds between his fingers. The delicious pleasure of his actions caused my nipples to grow more sensitive and elongated from his skillful touch. The feeling of his big hard erection pressing against my ass cheeks, coupled with the nipple play, caused my pussy to drip wet with arousal and coat my inner thighs. Maliek palms my left tit giving it a hard squeeze while his right-hand travels down my stomach and into the waistband of my Lululemon High-Rise yoga pants. I let out a loud throaty moan of pleasure as his hand slips easily into my sopping wet pussy, teasing my slick folds. I gasp in shock at the way he scissors his fingers through my slick folds, teasing my clitoris.

"Damn. My girl is so wet, just the way I like it. Your pussy is so needy for my touch, baby girl," Maliek teases, his hot breath against my ear. My girl. I shudder at the way he says those two words because I am no one's damn "girl". But my body craves his touch and desperately needs sexual release. Maliek shoves two fingers into me and slowly thrusts them in and out, stroking that oh-so-sweet spot that makes me so enraptured with ecstasy that I forget the English language. His fingers pluck my nipple in a rhythmic tempo in tandem with the thrusting of his fingers in my wet pussy. He buries his face in the crook of my neck, sucking and nipping until I am ready to detonate like an atomic bomb from all the pleasure coursing through my veins.

Maliek lets go of me, leaving me in a euphoric limbo of sorts as he quickly tugs down his joggers, freeing his big thick erect dick. I impatiently groaned as I watched a gold condom wrapper flutter to the floor from my peripheral. My core impatiently clenches around its emptiness as my clitoris pulsates like a second heartbeat, eagerly awaiting him to fill my pussy. Thank God, I'd been faithfully attending Pilates classes; otherwise, there's no way in hell that I would've been able to plant my foot on the bathroom counter off the ground from where Maliek lifted it. I try to focus on my hunger for his dick and not think of all the dirt and grime of the dirty ass public restroom.

Maliek grabs me roughly by the nape of my neck, practically bending me in half, causing me to grip the counter even harder to maintain balance as he roughly slams into me. I feel so full of his colossal cock I swear he is in my stomach. I loved being filled to the hilt with Maliek's manhood. I had to admit the man was blessed. Where most men had either length or girth, Maliek had a long, fat dick allowing him to hit every erogenous spot with delectable precision providing me with the sweetest pleasure.

He rotates his hip, causing me to clamp down on him as he slowly drags all the way out and teases my entrance with a shallow thrust of just the thick girthy head of his dick before sinking back into me deeply and massaging my cervix in a way that has me clenching my thighs. I love the rough manner in which Maliek fucks and dominates my body. He renders me immobile, controlling each thrust and roll of our hips with one hand clamped bruisingly tight on my hip and the other on my neck, keeping my body pinned to the countertop.

"I own this pussy, baby girl. I fuck my girl so good. Your pussy loves my demon dick," Maliek grunts.

"Shut the fuck up before you make me dry, Maliek. Most men want to talk women out of their panties, not back in them," I exclaim agitatedly, chasing the euphoric feeling of his dick slamming into me. I needed a good fuck, and I wouldn’t let his big mouth ruin my desire to cum.

I rock my hips as best I can, meeting him thrust for thrust as he dicks me down so damn good that I become cross-eyed. I loudly scream as my orgasm hits me in waves causing me to convulse violently around his dick. I don't give a fuck if we're in a public bathroom or who might hear me as he picks up his pace until his dick twitches inside me, and he moans out his own release. I go slack on the counter, the endorphins coursing through my veins like a hit of heroin, too busy to care about what diseases may be on this nasty ass bar bathroom countertop.

Maliek peppers the sweaty nape of my neck with kisses sending shivers down my spine as his warm tongue licks down my neck to between my shoulder blades. As I come down from ecstasy, I feel my stomach churn with dread. For Maliek, our bathroom Sexcapades were probably a celebration of sorts from us completing our CIA training program at Camp Peary, or the "Farm”, as we like to call it. However, for me, I just needed to get my rocks off, even if it were in the bathroom of a shitty dive bar in Williamsburg, Virginia, where we were celebrating with our colleagues.

When Maliek slips his dick out of me, I feel a cold gust of wind hit my clammy skin, and my inner thighs become coated with my sexual release. I pull my body upright and swipe between my thighs with some of the cheap thin brown paper towels in the dispenser on the counter. I quickly redress and fix my appearance in the mirror so when we return to the table, our coworkers, they'll be none the wiser, or at least pretend not to know that Maliek and I have been fucking like rabbits since we met at the Farm.

I let out a slow deep breath and turn to Maliek, who flashes me a flirty broad smile revealing his beautiful white teeth against his thick lips. Maliek is one of the most handsome men I've ever laid eyes on with his broad, sculpted, tall frame and smooth walnut brown skin. He's brilliant beyond belief, and his superpower is turning his cocky attitude into charisma that can dazzle even the most chaste woman out of her granny panties. But we just didn't vibe. He could make my pussy wet, but not my heart flutter. Therefore, I couldn't commit to this amazing man because he left me feeling internally lukewarm. I thought of continuing the sex once we got back into the real world, but it'd be a cruel form of torture to use someone and discard them like a snot rag.

I held onto the counter until my knuckles hurt, mustering the courage to end our “hookup”. Friends-with-Benefits? I don't even know what the fuck this is between us that started on a whim during the Farm's orientation afterparty. A one-night stand that turned into months of us setting the bed sheets on fire or any place we could fuck. His eyes narrow on my face quizzically, trying to read my feelings behind my aloof masked expression. He lets out a low nervous laugh and opens his mouth, my name rolling off his tongue like a smooth R&B singer, "Constance-" but I interrupt him knowing the declaration that's about to fall from those beautiful soft lips.

"I think it'd be in our best interest to end things once we're off the Farm and back in D.C. These cheap sex thrills were a fun pastime while we were in this bubble at Camp Peary, but professionally, I just think we shouldn't shit where we eat, you know," the words rush out of my mouth like verbal diarrhea. His face cracks, and those gorgeous obsidian brown eyes filled with shock, anger, and hurt.

"Constance, I'd understand your concern if we were in the same department, but I'm in organized crime, and you're in arms control. Who would be any wiser if we'd tried to give this thing," Maliek suggests, gesturing his fingers between us and persists, "This sexual relationship, I guess? We never defined what we are, come to think of it. But, you're definitely my girl. At least, that’s what I know in my head. Let me take you out on a date to convince you, baby girl."

"I’m a woman, not to mention Black woman, in a good Ol’ boy dominated field. Our fucking instructors at The Farm nicknamed me “Beauty Queen” I don’t want to blur the professional lines with an office romance when I’m, or we’re so new to our careers, you know,” I dismissively respond, feeling my stomach turn somersaults from the guilt of hurting a close friend and confidant over these past months.

Maliek bites his full bottom lip, deep in thought, causing my body to react, clearly not getting the notion that we were ending all things with him. No matter how good his demon dick was. My nipples pebbled, and his simple gesture of chewing on his lip had my body strung taut like a guitar string. He heads towards the bathroom door to leave, but his beautiful face fills the small space where he leaves the door ajar before fully closing it.

My eyes collide with his beautiful face, those dark coal black eyes glimmer with mischief, and he declares, “Constance, you’ll be my woman one day that I can promise you. This moment is the right person, just the wrong time kind of situation. I can guarantee that, so remember this moment. Your stubbornness is damn sexy, baby girl.”

I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest, unable to let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding until I was finally alone again. I looked around me, taking in my surroundings. I couldn’t predict the future but, Maliek’s declaration was far from romantic considering, I was standing in the grimy family restroom of a dingy bar.

I wipe my hands on my yoga pants, trying not to think about the germs on the bathroom counter, hoping that Maliek didn’t hold his breath in fear that he would suffocate on his delusional dreams. There was a woman out there for him in this world, but hell, me, Constance Townsend, was not the one.

No matter how good we fucked, nothing could convince me that we were meant to be.

**Five Years Later**

Fate had a funny way of spewing its bull shit when I least expected it. I flop down on the couch next to the men who dominated my dreams for many, many years after our last rump in a dirty ass public restroom. Maliek was fine with a capital F. Yet, his mouth had a way of drying up my coochie even half a decade later. The man could be so damn annoying that if he ever got kidnapped by our enemy, they’d personally bring him back to U.S. soil.

He sits bare-chested in nothing but basketball shorts, revealing his insanely fit muscular chest and abdomen. Oh, how I missed licking his smooth chestnut brown skin and feeling his muscles ripple as he takes deep breaths as my tongue travels to his colossal dick. I clench my thighs together, trying to relieve some of the throbbing and heat happening between my thighs from being in such close proximity to my kryptonite, Maliek’s devil dick.

I shook my head, trying to focus on the Jazz versus the Lakers game on the television. Maliek and I were back in the same spot together due to a work assignment after many years of rarely seeing each other or me, mainly avoiding him. I needed to keep things professional. He had tried to make a move on me when we first moved into this tiny apartment together in San Antonio, Texas, for this CIA mission, but I quickly shut him down. Over the past six months, Maliek and I had been working on this huge potential career-making Mexican cartel mission that forced our departments together to get intel on the illegal arms dealings with gangs starting in Texas and moving into California, Nevada, and Arizona. I am so close to my next promotion that I could taste it, and I wasn’t going to let a ride on this man’s dick cause me to lose sight of my big picture career goal and implode my life.

But my clitoris throbbed at the brush of his knee against my thigh as he manspread his legs wider. My eyes roamed down his nylon clad muscular thigh. When he widens his legs, the black material of his basketball shorts stretches across his crotch, revealing the imprint of his big cock, making my mouth water. My nipples hardened under the thin cotton of my oversize black t-shirt.

I’d probably be this horny if I were living with any man if I’m being honest with myself. It had been months since I’d gotten some good D. The ache from the sexual hunger between my legs was driving me slowly insane because my pussy was so well attuned to Maliek’s body, his scent, hell, even the sound of his annoyingly sexy deep baritone voice. I toyed with my hair forcing my stare away from Maliek and back onto the screen.

“I will be out of your hair soon, baby girl. It seems like today you worked your magic on our boy, Perez, and he’s ready to cough up their trade routes and process in no time,” Maliek says with a sparkle in those beautiful obsidian dark eyes as his fingers softly brushed against my exposed upper thigh. This innocent touch set me on fire, making flames of desire course across my skin like he’d caressed every erogenous zone on my body. Maliek was right; this could be our last night together, which was a good thing. If I could make it through tonight, I’d be away from temptation and back in the real world in D.C., pretending this man no longer existed. A disgruntled local gang member, Perez had become an informant and mole in the Mexican drug cartel. It wouldn’t be long before he cracked as I kept playing mental warfare games with him, making him think I was falling for him and that his boss and the men he once called his brothers were against him. God, men were so easy to control when they thought pussy was on the table for them. Many great men had fallen to their knees because they couldn’t say no to getting their dick wet, and it seemed like members of the Mexican cartel weren’t immune to it, either.

“Yeah, I can’t wait. I’ve missed being home in D.C. I would definitely not move to Texas with its crazy weather, and it is the home for every allergen known to man. My fingers are definitely crossed that tonight will be our last night,” I babble, trying to shrink myself into the corner of the couch, in fear that if his body makes the slightest contact with mine, I’ll wrap my body around him like a spider monkey and demand him to drag me to both heaven and hell with that devil dick of his.

“So, let’s celebrate with some alcohol and games,” Maliek states, wiggling his brows at me as he goes into the kitchen and comes back with shot glasses and a large handle of Tito’s Handmade Vodka. I watch him through narrowed eyes because if the dude suggests we play strip poker, I’m going to punch him in the face and lock myself in my room for the rest of the night. After all, I was already walking the tightrope between giving into my sexual desires and keeping things lukewarm between us.

“What do you have in mind,” I ask, hoping my breath doesn’t sound as shaky to him as it does to me. Maliek shuffles with some dusty board games and card decks on a shelf in the small living room of this apartment. He waves a card deck in front of my face that says These Cards Will Get You Drunk. I roll my eyes as he sits cross-legged across from me on the floor behind the coffee table. He pours us two shots, and I clink my glass to his, knowing that only chaos could ensue from playing a game with drunk in the title.

After three hours and splitting a bottle of vodka between us, I couldn’t stop giggling as we rehashed our memories of the Farm. I lay sprawled out on my back on the couch, my stomach hurting from all the giggling and my head feeling fuzzy from the alcohol. I looked towards Maliek, and his coal-black eyes were filled with sexual hunger as he licked his tongue across his bottom lip, making my mouth dry and arousal dampen the seat of my panties.

I am rendered immobile by his gaze as he crawls to me from his place on the floor. His face is inches from mine, and I don’t know who moves first, but our mouths clash hard as he kisses me roughly, stealing the breath from my body. Maliek sends a shiver down my spine as his large, strong hands stroke my sides and the swell of my naked breasts beneath my oversized sleep shirt. He devours my mouth so intensely that I can feel the springs in the cheap couch as he looms over my body, only breaking the kiss to wisp my shirt over my head.

His hungry graze drinks in my body like he’s recommitting my nakedness to his memory or cataloging what has changed about it over the past five years we’ve been apart. He tweaks my nipples, causing the swollen peaks to become stiffer as he yanks the tiny cotton thong from my body. Maliek spreads my thighs wide, placing my heels on his broad shoulders. I let out a loud throaty groan when I feel his tongue make contact with my sensitive pussy lips. He licks my hot wet slit from my perineum to the top of my mound, making a detour to swirl and suck on my clitoris until I feel like I’m on the precipice of pleasure. I let out an annoyed whimper when he pulls away from me and flips me over until I’m on all fours.

“Grasp the fucking back of the couch,” Maliek growls through labored breathing, only giving me a second to grasp the back of the couch before my breath is knocked out of me as he goes to town on my hot wet core from behind, unleashing every tongue trick in the world onto my needy greedy sopping wet pussy. My body uncontrollably shakes, and my voice goes hoarse from my loud shrills of ecstasy that will probably cause a noise complaint from our neighbors. My lower stomach begins to tighten, and every muscle goes tight in my body as Maliek inserts three thick fingers into my pussy, massaging my walls until I feel my essence drip down my inner thighs. He blows on my clitoris in between, rubbing it with the heel of his palms as he hits my G-spot until my release squirts out of me. I convulse around his fingers, clenching my thighs together and throwing back my head as I shriek out my orgasm.

Maliek pulls me back by my hair and shoves his fingers into my mouth, making me taste the salty sweetness of my sexual release before loudly whispering in my ear, “I’m going to fuck you so good, baby girl. I’m going to leave you so sore and make you cum so many times tonight that if someone ever says my name in your presence, the thought of tonight will have you cuming on the spot. Your pussy is mine, and I plan on leaving my claim so you know that no other man can fuck you better than I can.” I suck in a breath from his declaration as Maliek pulls away from me.

I hear the rustling of a condom wrapper before he teases my entrance, then slams into my swollen slick folds so hard that the old cheap couch rattles. He bites the side of my neck, licking, sucking the perspiration off my body, and groaning like he’s tasted the sweetest treat. Maliek wraps my hair into his fist, holding me into place, my fingers dipping harder into the back of the couch as he mercilessly pounds into my hot wet pussy until my vision blurs, and I swear I see fireworks. My hot wet core clamps down on his dick, causing him to cum as hard as me before collapsing on my body.

Damn, my body missed Maliek. I swear that was the best sex I've had in a while, if ever. I’m so exhausted, and my limbs feel heavy from the alcohol. I try to fight my sleep but don’t stand a chance with my war against the sandman as darkness overtakes my body.

Texas heat, Maliek’s terrible choices in music, and Whataburger were going to be the death of me when we were on these long ass stakeouts waiting for Perez to give us the signal to meet him. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, already aware that my baby hairs would no longer be laid. I asked myself every night, how could the sun have set ages ago, and it’s still triple-digit heat at almost midnight? Fucking Texas, I swear I couldn’t wait to leave this state.

Not only would I be leaving all the things I hated about Texas behind, but also Pandora's box of lust that I’d opened with Maliek. I avoided him all day until I absolutely had no choice but to be in the forced confinements of a Dodge Charger with him for this stakeout. I checked the screen of my burner phone again, my shoulders slumping and my agitation building when I saw no text messages from our Mexican cartel mole. I keep hoping and praying to God that Perez will come through tonight and that the building we’re staking out is truly one of the biggest shipment warehouses the cartel uses to smuggle their illegal arms onto U.S. soil.

The excitement of gaining intel on one of the biggest arm deal shipments had my mouth salivating from the thought of a big career success. I smelled victory in the air and could definitely taste it on the tip of my tongue. But patience was definitely a virtue. A virtue I never entirely made an acquaintance with. I fidget in my seat, breathing in the notes of bergamot, sandalwood, and Maliek’s natural musk as he cranks up the A/C to make the Dodge Charger feel less like an oven.

A myriad of unwanted images flashes across my mind as I become drunk on his scent while the vivid memories of us fucking create the erotic soundtrack to accompany last night’s vision of ecstasy floating around in my head. I chance a glance over to Maliek sitting in the driver’s seat, and I’m greeted with a beautiful pearly white smile on his handsome face causing my heartbeat to race and my skin to break out in goosebumps.

Fuck! It hadn’t been even twenty-four hours, and my pussy was hungering for the feel of Maliek between my thighs. I squirm in my seat as desire pools between my thighs as I think about the feeling of Maleik’s tongue licking, sucking, and fucking my pussy. Maliek was a lot of things, but a pussy eating champion was his most extraordinary talent. The way that man made my body sing when his mouth touched me between my thighs was undeniable.

Maliek tugs my chin between his fingers, his thumb stroking my bottom lip, causing my breath to quicken from arousal. I wanted to whip his dick out and sink down on it and ride his cock until daybreak, but I couldn’t throw away my life for this man’s devil dick. It was fucking insanity! Staring into his big deep brown eyes, I felt guilt rise and churn in my stomach like battery acid. This beautiful nice man thought we were meant to be; I could still see it in his eyes over the past few months of being forced together on a work mission.

His feelings were on the line again, and I felt like a total bitch if I stomped all over his heart for the second time in less than a decade. I give him a smile, trying to avoid the conversation about feelings and the phenomenal fuck we had last night as long as possible. I moved my head out of his grasp and pretended to be busy on my phone.

“We’ll eventually have to discuss that hot ass fuck hookup we had last night, baby girl,” Maliek says, turning down the music. I roll my eyes, exhale, and step out of the car.

“I’m tired of sitting in the car waiting, and my legs need a nice stretch. I’m going to walk toward the warehouse and see if I hear or see anything. I’m tired of waiting for fucking Perez,” I state, my impatience and agitation growing stronger.

“Constance. You’re being irrational. We need to wait for him to give us the tip that the close is clear. I don’t think it’s a good idea. Constance, come back he-“ Maliek loudly whispers, stepping out of the car as I swiftly and stealthily march towards the warehouse. Finally, I feel like I can breathe now that I’m out of the cramped car and out of the presence of my hookup that I had begun to regret the longer the minutes ticked away.

I was a small woman barely above average height, and I had a petite frame making the ideal body type for a spy. I’m able to fit my body into small spaces and tight places, effortlessly blending in with others and objects. I felt dauntless as I made my way closer to the warehouse. It was oddly quiet. Only the whistling of the slight breeze and the distant rustling of trees swaying in the night were the only audible noises.

I constantly watched my surroundings as I made my way to the side door next to the industrial steel garage doors of the warehouse. Peeking into the window, I saw no movement and only distant, dim lights. I jimmy the door until I hear the promising click of the lock disengaging, feeling exhilaration from feeding my need for a bit of adventure from time to time.

I hear another click and smell accelerant, turning a few seconds too late as a loud explosion shakes the building launching my small body into the air like a NAVAIR spike missile. I can only hear ringing in my ears. My vision blurs as flames dance across the warehouse.

Fuck! How could I be such a dumbass?

I touch my forehead, feeling the wetness covering my face, but I can’t quite focus on the sticky substance on my hands as I slowly lose consciousness.

I feel a dull throbbing pain in my temple, my throat feels like I’m swallowing fiery sandpaper, and I swear pianos are weighing down my limbs. I try to scream from the searing pain of the bright lights, but I feel only needles in my throat while hot tears pour from my eyes. Immediately the room submerges into darkness, with only a small amount of light finding its way into the room from underneath a closed door and the light that comes in from behind a curtain of the window.

I hear a muffled voice on the phone, and the door quietly opens, but I’m afraid to open my eyes for fear that if I do, the dull throbbing in my temple will only get worse. I feel a gentle stroking of my hair and will all the courage and strength in my body to open my eyes. A  beautiful young Latina woman wearing scrubs greets me.

“Hey, you’re awake. Here are some ice chips to help the dryness of your throat. I’ll call the doctor to come to check on you and explain everything that’s happened,” she quietly says, giving me a few ice chips that feel like heaven as they melt on my tongue and soothe my dry throat. The bed sags beside me, causing me to jump until Maliek’s handsome face greets me. His eyes are filled with concern when he grabs my hand and holds it tightly. At least I’m not alone wherever this place is, and I have a familiar face with me.

“Maliek, what happened,” I rasp out through a fit of coughs.

He calms me with the gentle stroking of my hair before responding, “There was an explosion.“

I fight the piercing sharp pain coursing through my body and drag myself up faster than Maliek can remote control the bed into a seated position. My eyes slowly adjusted to the dark room. I take in my surroundings and clothing, realizing I’m in a hospital room.

Ignoring the feeling of an ice pick in the back of my skull, I question, “Oh shit! Is everyone else at the Farm okay?”

Maliek moves back as if I’ve slapped him, and his facial expressions contort with confusion as he asks, “The Farm?”

I roll my eyes and huff, “I get we’re in the hospital, but it’s just me and you. We can talk about Camp Peary.” His jaw falls open like a dead fish before he snaps his jaw closed and stares at me like I need a one-way ticket to a looney bin.

Maliek opens his mouth to respond again, but the door to the room swings open, and an older white man in a white lab coat and scrubs enters the room. Maliek resumes his place on the bed beside me, grabbing my hand for comfort.

“Are you okay if I speak freely in front of your friend, or does he need to leave the room,” The doctor questions before starting the conversation.

I don’t want to be left alone in the hospital. I had too many horrible nights in the hospital over the years as the closest people to me all died one by one. I squeeze Maliek’s hand tightly, nodding at the doctor, permitting him to speak freely with Maliek by my side.

The doctor introduced himself to us and used words like traumatic brain injury, explaining that I was in a coma for a few days but should return to my old self after taking it easy and doing some rehab. Apparently, I hit my head hard from the impact of the explosion, and I’m lucky to have survived with a brain injury, a fracture to my wrist and skull, and minimal burns.

“How long will I be off work? Will that hurt my start date with my unit at work? What did I miss while I was in the coma? Did Ariana and Pete Davidson elope? Did I miss Meghan Markle marrying Prince Harry,” I ramble to Maliek, thinking about how eagerly I’ve been waiting to watch the Royal wedding.

A disconcerting expression passes between the doctor and Maliek before the doctor asks, “Ms. Townsend, what’s today’s date?”

“Well, I lost a few days while in the coma. So, I think that would make today like a Tuesday, maybe. So, last week was the end of April, so it’d be like May 1st, 2018, if I had to take a shot in the dark,” I say, shrugging, biting my lip.

Maliek and the doctor stared back at me with expressions of shock on their faces. Maliek strokes my hand and says, “Constance, it’s April 2023.” I begin giggling because Maliek loves to play pranks on me, but I see lines of worry marring his gorgeous face as I peer into his eyes. What. The. Fuck. I’ve never seen this man look more serious in my life.

“I’ll have to run some tests and order some scans, but you may be suffering from a post-traumatic brain injury causing retrograde amnesia,” The doctor says lightly.

Hot tears leave my eyes as I burrow my face into Maliek’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. I’m here for you, baby girl. Don’t worry. We will make sure this works out,” he whispers between kisses on the top of my head.

Retrograde amnesia?

Not only did I not remember the accident that landed me in the hospital. But I couldn’t remember the past five years of my life, apparently.

What was I going to do?

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to your own home? Since the hospital released you into my care, I got your current home address from work. I want you to be as comfortable as possible,” Maliek states solicitously, glancing over his shoulder at me as he unlocks the door to his Brownstone.

I feel a sharp pain like a stab of a knife to my heart, hearing Maliek mention work, the CIA, my dream job that I had worked for five years but couldn’t remember past the excitement of embarking on my journey at The Farm. My heart rate picks up pace at the thought of going to a home I couldn’t remember. A place that the 2023 Constance saw as a potential place of solace that I wouldn’t be able to find peace of mind because it may feel like some stranger’s home.

Who was Constance Townsend now? A lot could change in five years. 

“Constance, are you okay with staying here with me until you get back on your feet,” Maliek questions, pulling me out of my introspection.

A lot had changed in five years because the Maliek I knew at Camp Peary lived in a home that didn’t look like a male college dorm pigsty. His brownstone interior was sleek and minimalist and cleaner than expected.

“I have no family. You’re a familiar face. I feel a bond and closeness to you. So I’d rather stay here with you than in a home that wouldn’t feel like my own even if it technically belongs to me,” I answer, shocked by my earnest response revealing feelings for Maliek I didn’t realize I harbored until I’d spoken the words. His face softened, and the lines of weariness that had taken permanent real estate on his gorgeous face since we left the hospital disappeared for a moment.

Maliek grabs my hand, ushering me further into his home. He gives me a tour of his swanky Brownstone so I can feel more at ease as he shows me around the kitchen, telling me I’m welcome to any food. If I add anything to his shopping list via Alexa, it’ll get added to his next scheduled grocery delivery. Maliek’s tour ends in his guest bedroom, down the hall from his bedroom. I sit on the black comforter of the queen-size bed as Maliek goes to get me a set of bath linen to utilize for the duration of my stay.

I feel out of sorts because my last memory is laughing in bed with Maliek after hot marathon sex in our living quarters of Camp Peary. I have no idea what became of our relationship over these last five years. I’d hope we at least kept our friendship strong if nothing romantic materialized from it. I would try not to give in to my frustrations of the retrograde amnesia or the short-term forgetfulness that the TBI was causing, but I knew my road to recovery would be difficult.

A soft finger strokes my cheek, swiping away wetness from the tears I didn’t realize had fallen. I look into Maliek’s face, blurred by the tears hovering on my bottom eyelid, threatening to fall. I turn my head feeling like an idiot, roughly brushing away my unshed tears with the heel of my palm. My rage boils inside of me like an exploding inferno. The world wasn’t fair, and everything in my universe was off its kilter.

“Hey, baby girl. It’s been a rough few days, and it’s late. Don’t overexert yourself. Take a bath or a shower and get some rest. I’ll be right down the hall in my room getting any last minute things you need sorted out with your leave from work and your rehabilitation that you start these next few weeks. I got you, girl; you know I always have and always will,” Maliek declares, kissing my forehead, leaving to allow me some privacy.

“Get your shit together,” I whisper aloud, trying to give myself a pep talk but miserably failing at the task because the knife I felt stabbing into my heart only dove deeper. Hot rage bubbled from my inside in the shape of fat tears cascading down my face. I collapsed to the floor, angrily sobbing and banging on the wooden floorboards. How could this be my reality?

Five years.

Half a decade.

In the blink of an eye, those years were just erased.

I was missing five years of me.

I had to get off this floor and forget my pity party. I’d had experienced too much loss in life to let my fucking TBI be what breaks my soul. I sucked up the snot from my nose, rubbing any residual mess of my tearful fit off my face with the back of my hand. I took a few slow deep breaths trying to ground myself while fighting off the anxiety that was trying to consume me.

But, even after my shower, which would have typically calmed me down, I still couldn’t bring myself to feel any peace alone in the queen size bed in pitch darkness with my sleep evading me. I angrily thrust back the bedding, standing to my feet, and find myself walking down the hall toward Maliek’s bedroom. I see a soft glow of light illuminating the hallway from his room as I creep toward it on shaky legs. I slide my petite frame through the sliver of the door before my nerves get the best of me.

Maliek sits up in his bed with alarm crossing his face, but I give him a shy smile. I drink in Maliek’s smooth, radiant walnut brown skin as his taut abs flex as he moves to a more seated position on the bed. Maliek sleeps naked if my memories of our time together at Camp Peary serve me right. My mouth salivates at the thought of him naked beneath the black satin sheets curled around his hips.

“Is everything okay, baby girl? Do you need something,” Maliek anxiously inquires, his hands rubbing the durag fitted snugly against his forehead.

“Yes, I need you. I can’t fall asleep in that big bed alone when my most recent memories are me sleeping in your arms,” I mumble, whisking the oversize shirt he’d given me to sleep in for the night until he could arrange for our things from Texas to get delivered to his home since I was too cowardly to step foot into my own D.C. home. I stood naked before him, feeling sexual heat pricking my skin as Maliek’s hungry gaze roamed my body.

I crawled onto the bed to sit straddled atop his body.

“You’re not thinking correctly. I won’t take advantage of you,” Maliek responds while his big erection grazes my throbbing clitoris through the sheet. I slowly rock my hips dry, humping him just above the bed sheets and causing his manhood to flex at the feel of me.

“Well, your little buddy isn’t in agreement with your little declaration,” I tease before closing the small distance between him with my lips. I find so much comfort in the hot wet passionate tangle of our mouths as we both fight to control our kiss. Maliek pulls away with a gentle bite to my bottom lip. He delves his head to tug one of my erect nipples into his mouth. I throw back my head in pleasure as his tongue swirls around my nipple, as he sucks it hard into his mouth. His other hand anchors me to his body with a squeeze of my right ass cheek.

I fumble between us, removing the barrier of the sheet to grab hold of his big thick erect dick. I stroke his giant girthy cock with my hand. I massage and play with his balls while he tortures my nipples with his skillful hands and mouth. I work my way up his manhood, slowly stroking his shaft, loving the way it swells even more under my touch. When my hand makes it to the tip, I swipe Maliek’s precum that’s dribbled out and use it to moisten my palm as my grip on his shaft tightens as I jack him off. Shuddering from my palm stroking his dick, he releases my nipple from between his lips with a loud pop.

“Damn, baby girl. I need to be inside of that pretty pussy of yours. Give me a second,” Maliek rasps out in a shaky breath. He reaches over to his nightstand, opens the top drawer, and searches through it before pulling out a gold condom. I greedily snatch it from his hand, tearing open the wrapper and eagerly sheathing his dick with the latex protection. 

Maliek buries two fingers deep inside my pussy, torturing me as the walls of my hot wet core quiver as he, achingly slow, thrusts them in and out and curls them in a come hither motion stroking my G-spot. I let out a hungry whimper as Maliek's finger fucks me stupid.

“Damn, baby girl. Your pussy is soaking wet for me. Is my pussy this wet because it’s craving my devil dick,” Maliek barks against my ear, pulling his fingers out of me and leaving my vagina quivering and aching at the sudden emptiness. He slides his dick between my sopping wet pussy lips, making himself nice and lubed before he mercilessly slams me onto his cock. I feel a delicious sting from the quick stretch I must endure to accommodate Maliek’s big thick dick. I roll my hips causing us both to moan as I enjoy the full feeling of Maliek’s devil dick filling me to the hilt.

I bounce up and down, riding his cock, which makes me forget everything around us but the feel of his big strong muscular body against mine and the build up of pleasure I feel from bouncing on Maliek’s “devilish” manhood. Maliek bites and sucks on my neck, his tongue trailing hot ribbons of desire across my skin, making me break out in goosebumps when he finally takes my right nipple into his mouth. He holds me tightly to his body by the left ass cheek as he pistons into my hot wet pussy.

Maliek’s stroke game is top-tier. His devil dick is making me delirious from sexual ecstasy. I feel my orgasm build like a hot fire coursing through my veins. I feel a tight pressure in my ass as Maliek slides his finger into the tightness of my butthole. Once entirely in my asshole, the slight pain becomes a pleasurable taboo feeling. A single thrust from his finger up my ass makes me go up in flames as I scream out my orgasm, clamping down on his dick and convulsing around me. Maliek pumps into me relentlessly, his breathing becoming erratic as he cums hard. I kegel my pussy milking his release from his body as his sweaty forehead collapses against my chest.

In the aftermath of our fucking, our breathing evens out. My limbs feel like jelly when Maliek lifts me off his dick and gently lays me on the bed. He goes into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. I feel a warm damp cloth between my thighs, causing me to purr with delight as Maliek cleans me up. Getting back into the bed, he cradles me in his arms with my back to his front.

I feel myself finally finding peace in the familiar warmth of Maliek’s comforting embrace. At this moment, I feel serene.

I know I can overcome anything with a fantastic man like Maliek by my side. 

I barely allowed Maliek’s car to come to a complete stop before jumping out of the moving vehicle to hightail it to my bedroom. I stumble, hitting the ground before I can make it to the comfort of the bed.

Fuck! My coordination is shot to hell!

I rise to my knees, tears blurring my vision as I yank all the bedding off the bed in a fit of rage. I trip over my feet again, knocking a lamp off the bedside table.

Once upon a time ago, I was poise, graceful, and stealthy. But this stupid TBI had me clumsy and uncoordinated, even after weeks of physical therapy. I had worked so hard to obtain my dream of becoming a CIA agent, and now it was up in the air if I’d ever be able to resume that field of work.

Not only am I frustrated about my dream career slipping through my fingers like grains of sand, but I couldn’t even fucking remember how I got to this point in life. I rip items out of the end table drawers between sobs, and when my anger is still potent after destroying those valuables, I tug out the drawer and throw it against the wall. I have spent days on end at countless doctors, undergoing cognitive rehabilitation therapy to neuropsychology sessions, and nothing is helping.

I am stunted and trapped in 2018, living my life on a time loop of being at Camp Peary. Every morning, my alarm wakes me, and I awake to an out of body experience of being in a foreign bed in a strange room that looked nothing like my Camp Peary living quarters. I am so fucked in the head that I now have issues concentrating. I’d start to brush my teeth, and halfway through, I’d stop and begin washing my face or only halfway tie a sneaker without finishing each task. Tasks that we all take for granted and do subconsciously like second nature. Through blurry tears that block my vision, I rage, feeling angrier and angrier about my situation. I rip my clothes from the hangers in the closet, then slam the door open and close a few times once my clothes lay in a heap on the floor. Hell, I had even lost my sense of freedom. My cognitive impairment kept me from driving a fucking car! I had to rely solely on Maliek for transportation.

I bark out a hollow laugh, thinking that only a week ago, I couldn’t find my car in the grocery store parking lot, only for Maliek to call the police because I had gone missing and them to tell me I had Uber’d there. I drop to my knees on the hardwood floor. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. I can’t breathe, I can’t see, and my heart is pounding erratically against my breastbone. I see shards of glass on the floor from the shattered lamp.

Fuck! I had made a mess of Maliek’s guest room.

But did it matter? He’d just come in and look at me with those pitiful eyes like he did earlier this week when I almost burned his house down because I forgot I was using the stove. Or the sorrowful hurt gaze he turned on me when I almost walked out of the house this morning with no clothes on. The TBI had me aging backward like Benjamin Button. I felt like a toddler trapped in a grown woman’s body.

I wasn’t even the courageous, gorgeous, spontaneous Constance Townsend everyone knew and loved. When I look in the mirror nowadays, I see the pitiful shell of a woman.

The pity.

The pity in my doctors’ eyes.

The pity in Maliek’s face.

All the fucking pity was one of the worst things to bear.

How could I go on like this? What if this were my new reality?

The uncontrollable rage, the moody outburst like reliving my teen years again, the feeling of hopelessness and loss of myself because I couldn’t remember anything. The shiny lamp shard caught my sight again.

I had lost myself. I was no longer Constance.

And the reinvention of myself would be a long bumpy road.

Each day, a piece of my soul chipped away. The TBI splintered my resilience and tenacity with every bad physical therapy appointment, tearful neuropsychology visit, and no improvement news from each doctor’s appointment.

I crawled to the lamp shard and held it in my hand, examining it.

Would it be such a bad thing to end it all? I had no family left. I had no career. I was a burden on Maliek.

Why the fuck am I still here? How cruel of a fate to survive a near death experience to physically live but to be mentally damaged and emotionally dead on the inside.

I hold the shard to my wrist, tuning out the world around me. I close my eyes and slice downward towards my wrist, but I feel no burning pain and don’t cry out in agony.

“What the fuck! Jesus, Constance,” Maliek chastises me, wrapping his arms around me and carrying me bridal style out of the guest bedroom.

I cling to his neck, my body wrenching out loud sobs. I cry for what feels like hours.

I awake in a dark room, startled by Maliek rubbing my back and cooing at me that it’ll be okay.

“Constance, you matter, and I’m here for you as long as you need me,” Maliek whispers in my ear.

“But what if this is my new normal? I can’t burden you with my troubles forever,” I cry, hot tears rolling down my cheek.

“Then, it’ll be our new normal. You’re not in this alone. I may not know what you’re feeling, but I see you, and any progress is progress. And if you don’t ever remember the last five years, we can rewrite those years and move forward with new memories for the rest of your life. You’re my girl. My soul mate. I ride for you. Hell, I’ll fucking die for you, baby girl,” Maliek declares, rubbing my back and kissing my hair.

I snuggled into Maliek’s arms, feeling some hope amidst my pain. It felt good to have Maliek in my corner. I felt like I could go ten rounds with Canelo, and he’d knock me down ten times, but Maliek would give me the strength to get up and not tap out each time.

Maybe my new reality wouldn’t be the end of my world.

These past few months had passed achingly slowly. It definitely had been one of the most challenging times in my life that I could remember. Struggling through every physical therapy appointment until my coordination and mobility started to return to normal had been hell. But slowly and surely, I was healing in the physiological aspects of my brain injury. The disappointing side was that my memory hadn’t come back, and the struggles were real regarding my cognitive behavior.

 My silver lining in this bull shit had become Maliek, my personal cheerleader. Maliek is my rock—the person who was keeping me going through this personal hell on earth alone. I smiled across the table at the most handsome but, most importantly, selfless, compassionate, and amazing man in the world. Maliek was the man of every woman’s wildest dreams, and he was mine. I couldn’t imagine ever being apart from him in this lifetime.

 Tonight, he had brought me out to celebrate the small wins with me on this rocky path to recovery. I was becoming one with my body again in the physical sense, and if I kept progressing, it’d only be a matter of time before I started showing cognitive improvements. I feel a heaviness drop in the pit of my stomach, and a dark cloud start hovering over my head as a sharp stab hits my heart. Even though I had been given some positive news, it didn’t go without the bad news that my memory may never return because my neurologist and neuropsychologist were seeing minimal progression with my cognitive impairments.

 “You look stunning,” Maliek compliments, stroking my hand and sending desire through my veins like electric currents. His deep baritone voice was my kryptonite, along with his scent and, of course, that good old devil dick. I can’t believe that man’s childish but accurate nickname for his manhood had wormed its way into my mind so deeply that he had me calling it by that name, too.

 “Thank you! I’m sure you do love this slinky number you picked out for me,” I tease, stroking my hand down the silk of this sexy lilac bodycon midi summer dress that hugged every inch of the slight curves of my petite frame. Maliek had begun picking out my clothes and laying them on the bed, making it easier for me to remember to dress every morning. But I didn’t want that depressing thought or any negativity to ruin this night of celebration.

 “Why, of course. Your nipples on display are the best part, baby girl,” Maliek jokes, winking at me and causing my body to shiver from the sexual anticipation making me wet between my thighs. The backless dress made it impossible for me to wear a bra, and the feel of the silk against my bare breasts was erotic without Maliek’s sexy little reminder.

 “I think I’m ready to go home,” I exclaim, more than ready to take a long hard ride on my best friend, Mr. Devil Dick. I squirm in my seat, rubbing my thighs together, trying to get some relief from the throbbing of my clitoris and clenching of my hot wet core.

 “I don’t know. We haven’t had dessert yet. That’s the best part of a celebration,” Maliek spurs me, licking his thick lips. Lips that I was overly eager about caressing my body. Maliek’s lips were so fucking amazing, and his tongue tricks were out of this world. I definitely couldn’t sit through dinner while wanting the feel of his lips and tongue on my breast and between my thighs.

 “Maliek, I need you in all the best ways. Let’s skip dessert. I’ll be your sweet treat,” I bargained, smiling and stroking my foot up his pant leg under the table. I let out a huff when a silver platter is placed in front of me by our waiter. I gasp at the sight of the Tiffany blue box when the waiter raises the lid. I lose my shit when Maliek kneels beside me, grabbing my hand.

 “Constance, baby girl. My forever woman, you mean the world to me. Even though we’ve only recently reconnected, my love for you over the past five years has never faded. Baby girl, shit! You already know your boy was ready to hang up his player jersey for you the moment we first met because you had a brother falling hard for you, girl. Even though you weren’t too sure about me, playing hard to get and making a homie sweat. But baby girl, I knew deep down that we were meant to be together forever.

 And these past few months, we’ve been through so much together, and your resilience and determination have taught me so much about what it truly means to be a strong Black woman. Your strength only makes you more beautiful and my heart more full, making me fall more and more in love with you each day. I know crazy circumstances reunited us, but who wants to be a cliché love story anyway? We go together better than Monica and Quincy,” Maliek proclaims, pausing to listen to my laughter.

 He wipes the stray joyful tears from my cheeks before continuing, “As I look into your eyes, I know with every fiber of my being that you are my soulmate. You have my heart, my soul, and my commitment to stand by you no matter what. I can't wait to create new memories together, ones that we will treasure for a lifetime. So, what do you say, baby girl, will you become my wife?”

 I feel a myriad of emotions flow through me, such as fear, pure joy, and doubt, but what has me nodding my head is the feeling of overwhelming gratitude I have for this man. I don’t know if I’m in love with him or if I’ve ever been, but for him to stand by my side graciously and selflessly in my darkest moment, I know I can fall in love with a man like Maliek. What woman would be able to resist his charms?

 I fling myself at him, knocking him over after I pepper his face with kisses. In true Maliek fashion, he ungracefully staggers to his feet, not breaking our kiss, and waltzes out of the restaurant with me wrapped around his body. I can hardly contain myself on the car ride back to his place. We begin ripping each other’s clothes off as soon as the door opens.

 We fall into his bed naked and clumsily with our limbs awkwardly tangled. He worships my body with his tongue, mouth, and fingers until I’m a withering mess. He quickly slides on the condom and plunges into my hot wet pussy. Maliek and I have always fucked dirty, hard, and aggressively, almost like two wrestlers going for the championship belt. Yet tonight, our sex is different. Maliek kisses me softly and thrusts into me slowly and reverently as if he wants to savor this moment in time between us. We rarely do it in missionary because it’s always felt too intimate for me. But the look of irrevocable love and awe-worthy praise in his eyes as he watches me causes me to wrap my legs around his waist tighter and pull him closer to me, never wanting to let him go.

 We make love until our bodies are slick with sweat, and we can’t hold off our orgasms. We cum together, his slow lovemaking shattering me yet rebuilding the splintered parts of my soul back together. My breathing and heart rate slow as Maliek slips out of me to dispose of the condom. He comes back to the bed, pulling me on top of him and cocooning me with the natural warmth of his body. I listen to the even thud of his heartbeat as he drifts into sleep. These past few months, I had worried about not feeling like I belonged anywhere without knowing my current identity, feeling lost and with no home.

 But, in Maliek’s arms, I’ve realized that he has always felt like home and will forever create a safe place for me to land.

“I mean, you can’t quote one of the top five Black romance movies of all time and not expect me to want to watch the movie, Maliek. I mean, you’re setting our standard pretty high by stating we’re more meant to be than Monica and Quincy in Love & Basketball,” I exclaim, carrying the bowl of popcorn into the living room.

“Of course, I can, baby girl. We’re the better duo. People just haven’t heard of us yet,” Maliek states with his overly inflated ego. I roll my eyes, flopping down beside him and cuddling into his side. We’re not even halfway through the movie when the doorbell rings. Maliek grumbles and goes to the door to get the pizza we ordered about fifteen minutes ago. They must be having an incredibly slow night for it to get delivered so fast.

I freeze in my seat on the couch when I hear a loud commotion, grappling, and angry shouts.

I hear a loud, scruffy demand of “Where the fuck is she” followed by my name being yelled. I begrudgingly rise from the couch and make my presence known. The air is sucked out of me when a man as sexy as Shemar Moore with dreads enters my presence. He’s gorgeous and tall, and my heart flutters, my stomach flips, and sparks of lust course through my veins. I freeze in fear, my heart rate accelerating, causing me to recoil when he calls me baby and tries to pull me into a big bear hug.

“I don’t know you. Don’t fucking touch me,” I yell, opening my mouth to scream for Maliek. Maliek appears with a busted lip before his name can escape my parted lips. I see hurt, concern, and anger flash across the gorgeous stranger’s face from my rejection of his embrace, the fear in my eyes, and my inability to recall who the fuck he is and even if he has any value in my life to me.

“Fuck man, you didn’t tell her,” The strange man yells over his shoulder at Maliek, causing me to jump. He reaches out to touch me but thinks better of it, awkwardly dropping his hand to his side. I look between my fiancée and this strange man waiting for one of them to speak.

“Well? I feel like there’s an elephant in this room that needs to be addressed. Who the fuck are you? Maliek, baby, who is he,” I question, feeling my skin breakout in goosebumps from the ghostly and remorseful look on Maliek’s face.

“Damn, man. Have you been playing house with my wife while I’ve been trying to get to her as fast as I can,” the man asks in disgust.

Wife? Am I already someone’s wife?

“Very funny. I’m engaged to Maliek. This has to be a joke,” I snort, but neither man joins in on my laughter. The strange man glares between us stonily, and Maliek awkwardly rubs his neck. The room has so much tension that I didn’t even think a machete could cut through it.

“Baby, we’ve been married for 3.5 years. I’m a botanist, and we both travel a lot for work. I was stationed in fucking Timbuktu, so it took me forever to get word of what happened and for me to get back to the States,” The handsome man says, stunning me into shock. I feel an odd closeness to him, his scent seems familiar and intoxicating, but I have no recollection of him.

“Maliek,” I ask, confused, needing my rock to shed some light on the situation.

“It’s true. He’s your next of kin and emergency contact. They released you into my care since you consented to it, and it was a temporary arrangement, but months passed, and I thought maybe there was an estrangement and-“ Maliek explained.

“How the fuck could you? It’s all been a lie,” I shrieked at him, feeling icky, violated, and out of sorts.

I felt like I was suffocating. Maliek wasn’t charming and selfless. He was selfish and conniving. My false sense of security began to shatter.

I had never felt more alone in my life than in this moment.

Apparently, I had a husband I didn’t know and a best friend who had betrayed me.

I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, I could only feel lost and confused.

Did I go home with the stranger I didn’t know or stay put with the man that had become my world?

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