What Every Woman Wishes She'd Known Her First Time
There are so many fictitious stories people are told about their first time having sex, getting their cherry popped, or losing their "virginity". It will be "magical" and "unforgettable", and if you wait for the "right person", the sex will be better and more fulfilling than you could ever imagine! But I am here to challenge that and give you some things to think about when engaging in sex for the first time. I will provide you with the education we all deserve to have to help make the first time you have sex truly enjoyable.
My first time was pretty mediocre and disappointing. The year is 2007. I'm making out with my boyfriend in the back seat of his car in a church parking lot, and I feel like I'm ready to have sex for the first time. We run over to the gas station across the street. He buys a pack of condoms, and we return to the parking lot and go for it. Due to all the stories I was fed, I had envisioned that there would be magic and fireworks and my first sexual experience would be amazing. But in reality, it was dry, weird, and highly disappointing. Not to mention, once we finished having sex, he killed the moment even more by telling me he had previously cheated on me.
So let's stop feeling adolescent girls' and young women's heads with these beautiful unrealistic fantasies about getting their cherry popped! Let's bring it back into reality and be transparent about what it's like for many when they experience sex for the first time so they can feel more educated and empowered! The likelihood of your first time being awkward and weird is very expected, but remember that the following tips could make it more pleasurable, more realistic, and feel like a good time! More enjoyable than my first time was, that's for sure!
Virginity is a Social Construct
Many of us believed that once our hymen was broken, we were no longer a virgin. In reality, the hymen can't be broken. It is a membrane around the vaginal opening that stretches and changes over time. Once you have sex, this doesn't mean you are no longer pure or worthy. Virginity is a religious construct put on women to shame them into submission. We do not have to feel less than, dirty, or unworthy if we engage in sex. Sex is a magical yummy thing, and we can enjoy it with whomever we want, as many people as we want, and have as much of it as we want. Check in with your sexual values to make the best choice for yourself before engaging in sexual activities!
Lube it Up!
Use Lube! Most bleeding that happens during your first time is because of friction. Many people feel like they need to be wet and ready to go at the drop of a hat. But Lube is a great tool to make sure sex is more pleasurable for both parties. Make Lube your best friend whether you are always wet or experiencing dryness. Lube helps decrease friction and makes sex feel yummier for all partners involved.
The Risks of Sex
The only sex to have that is riskless is masturbation. When engaging with a partner, there are always risks. But you can keep yourself safe by knowing about the following:
Condoms help prevents Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) transmissions like HIV, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis, But not Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV). HSV spreads by skin-to-skin contact.
Are you properly taking birth control? Birth control is not 100% effective, so ensure you follow the directions. Multiple birth control methods can also help keep an anxious mind at ease.
Get STI tested every 3 to 6 months if you are sexually active. Getting tested often can empower you by being aware of your sexual health and desecrating the risk of getting or passing an STI. Also, remember, if you get an STI, all of them have medication to manage them. There is nothing shameful about contracting an STI.
Communication Is Of The Essence
Communicating with your partner before, during, and after sex can help create a safe space for you to be vulnerable and ensure your sexual and emotional needs are met. Candidly talk about things like your desires and fantasies. Don't shy away from conversations about your hard limits or sexual acts you aren't down to perform. Always remember, consent for anything can be stopped at any time. You may say, "I'm ready to get naked", and when the clothes come off, you are not ready. Guess what? That's okay because you're entitled to a change of heart. Sexual consent is reversible. You are allowed to stop all sexual acts if you want. Go at a pace that feels good for you! Experiencing sex for the first time is not a competition or a race to the finish line.
Focus On Pleasure
Don't forget about pleasure! Sex is supposed to feel good! It's one of the main reasons to have it. Explore different parts of your body! Did you know the clitoris is the only organ in the body made for pleasure and that most women need clitoral stimulation to climax? Many people think penis in vagina sex can get a woman off, but this is false. Orgasm doesn't have to be the end goal of sex. Just enjoying the pleasurable stimulations and exploring each other's bodies is a level of intimacy that can be just as fulfilling as penetrative sex.
Mindfulness is A Key To Great Sex
Mindfulness during sexual encounters is the most crucial way to stay in the moment and fully enjoy the sexual experience. What are you seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, and feeling? Connecting to your five senses will help you feel all the pleasure your body has to offer and can be used as a tool to help manage your first-time jitters.
Now that you have some things to consider for your first time, it's time to experiment and see what works for you! What you like, what turns you on because we are all different. Don't feel ashamed to reach out to sex coaches and other professionals to get pertinent information on how to have the best sex ever. And always remember you know what's best for you and what you like.
Happy experimenting and having all the pleasurable sex that you can have!
A lot of questions go through your mind when trying to decide when is the right time to experience sex for the first time. Therefore, Lala’s Bedtime Tales has got you covered with tips to ensure your first time isn’t a tragedy. Lala's Bedtime Tales mission is to provide a safe space and judgment-free zone to educate yourself on sexual health & wellness. The Sexual Health & Wellness corner will have monthly articles dedicated to continuous education on living a positive and sexually healthy lifestyle. Subscribe to Lala's Bedtime Tales Newsletter and follow @LalasBedtimeTales on social media to never miss any sexual education to help you live the healthiest life possible. Also, check out Lala's Bedtime Tales Podcast and Lala's Oh So Exclusive Patreon account for even more content! If you’re browsing for sexy pleasure products or cute giftable items, then check out Lala’s Pleasure Shop.
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